On Being Happy Today

“It is not uncommon for people to spend their whole life waiting to start living.” -Eckhart Tolle, from The Power Of Now

I’ve written before on the contingency mentality. That state of mind where we’re waiting for something to happen so we can be happy. I’ll be happy when _____ (fill in the blank). We grow up with that mindset – it’s always whatever is coming up down the road that’s going to do it for us. Being eight (not seven), getting into high school, out of high school, first car, date, love, job, etc., etc. Those milestones come and go and somehow whoever we were before, persists into our new bliss. In fact, there is no bliss because a little bit after the novelty of whatever we were looking forward to happens, we’re back to our usual self.

I have a lot of friends who are in prison doing time. Prison isn’t an especially fun place to be (although it can have its moments) and “getting out” is big on the minds of most people. ‘I’ll be happy when I get out…” is a pretty standard line, or certainly a very standard train of thought. So people get out and guess what? Yep. Not happy (after an amazingly short time) then either.

Wassup with that?

It’s really hard for us to get that “This is It!” Right now. Life is happening. This moment is happening. Because this moment is so, normal. Isn’t life about the special moments?

I had my (most dramatic) awakening in the spring of 1994. The seeds had been planted, but I didn’t really get it until one day when I was sitting on the edge of my bunk in an Eastern Oregon prison cell - looking at the late-afternoon sunlight creating a very focused beam of light onto the floor. In that beam there were perhaps thousands of little dust particles dancing – the light refracting every which way. I remember much about the moment. Perhaps the most overwhelming and vivid memory was how beautiful the dust particles were. And how effortlessly they danced and played in the light. And how grateful I was to be able to see that beauty. And how it didn’t matter where I was, or how unlikely the event was – or how deep and intense the feelings of gratitude were, or really anything else. I was awakened and fully present. And aware that the moment in question was the only moment that existed.

You might not think to compare beloved children’s writer Dr. Seuss to spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle, but there’s a common message about happiness in both their works: We can only experience joy through action in the now, not by waiting to get it some day, when everything works out and makes sense. Or when everything is in order, or the planets line up – or we get out of prison (or someone we love does). Either we have it now – get it now – or we don’t. Because the Now is the only thing that exists.

From Dr. Seuss’ Oh the Places You Will Go:

The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.

He then writes: No! That’s not for you!

But I’m going to alter that slightly since we’re all adults now. That very well might be you. I know that it’s been me. I know that each day I push against a life-long inclination to postpone my happiness until; well until the stars line up in the way I think they should.

I’ve waited for the right time to make a change, the ideal time to tell someone how I feel, the safest time to try something new, and the easiest time to take care of myself. Because I did astrology professionally for a while in my life – I actually check the moon-phases in the paper. Deep down though – I know. I know this is it. Right now, right this minute. All there is and al there ever will be.

The only problem is that it rarely feels right, ideal, safe, or easy to say what we want to say, or take the risk we know we are capable of taking. We frame our fear in ways that are merely excuses to let the moment slip away. And it does. Over and over again until they have run out. Check the obituary section of the paper. Look at the photos. Experience the moments that have run out.

“One who is content with what one has is always happy.” ~Chinese Proverb

Too many people think, “I’ll be able to start enjoying life once I get __________________.” Don’t put it off for tomorrow or next month.

This moment is a chance to do something differently, no matter how small it may seem. Every big change starts with one small choice. Consider making today’s small choice the choice to be happy.