Life Stuff - Managed or Cured?

“It’s not whether you get knocked down; it’s whether you get up.” Vince Lombardi

Imagine your life as a Burger King franchise. You own your shop. You hire your employees, set the policies – at least within the framework provided by the franchisor – you are the boss. It’s up to you to train your employees, to pick the best people – to accommodate those who you might feel have potential, but for one reason or another, aren’t quite there yet.

The franchisor (the Burger King brand) is like our culture – there are certain things we agree to in order to live in our particular society or community. The playground has rules – and our ultimately success depends to a large degree on how well we are open to incorporating those rules (I like the world “ethos”) into our daily living.

We still have a lot of room in this structure for freedom. Freedom of choice; the choice whether or not we will respond or react, the choice about how we will spend our precious time (an increasing complex task when faced with the enormous amount of information we have competing for our attention). We are still the captain of our ship.

Your objective is to actively manage your life in a way that generates high-quality results. You are your own most important resource for making your life work. Success (defined as effective, satisfied living) is a moving target that must be tracked and continually pursued. There are no fixes to things – permanent solutions are impossible, because the circumstances of life are so fluid. Things change, it is the nature of life… All we can do is manage our responses, mange and grow our strategy. It’s not an item up for being fixed.

I’ve spent almost thirty years working with the adult alcohol/drug recovery community. In my association with many fine people dealing with addiction issues, I’ve learned that this dynamic applies equally. There is no “cure”. The dynamic to alcoholism, drug addiction or even criminality will always be with us. Whether it overpowers us, or dominates our life-script, is dependent on how effectively we manage it. My issues will always be my issues, but whether I let those issues define me or not – is up to me. At some core level we develop our life scripts early, and we learn those scripts well – so when we encounter challenges, especially serious challenges (and what constitutes a “serious” challenge varies dramatically from one person to another) we tend to fall back to “default” mode. We don’t have to. We can, through the development of some degree of mindfulness, create awareness of our tendency for triggers to precipitate “usual and customary” behavior. For us to do what we’ve always done. Mindfulness is where we recognize, “Hey, if I do that, the result is going to be the same as before – that really didn’t work for me, so why would I think now would somehow be different?”

I’ve seen people working at Burger King who are handicapped. That said, they are often very effective employees – because their managers focus on their strengths, and fully utilize the gifts they have – which have, remarkably enough, been honed (made stronger, wiser and more resilient) by their challenges.

Effective life management means you need to require more of yourself in your grooming, self-control, emotional management, interaction with others, work performance, dealing with fear, and in every other category you can think of. You must approach this task with the most intense commitment, direction and urgency you can muster.

There are a couple of keys to managing life effectively – the first is to have a strategy. If you have a clear-cut plan, and the courage, commitment and energy to execute that strategy, you can flourish. If you don't have a plan, you'll be a stepping stone for those who do. The second is to be aware of triggers – not judgmentally aware (I’m “bad” if I do this), but just aware. When “A” happens I tend to do “B”. Rehearse in your mind doing something OTHER than “B” when “A” happens. What would that look like for you?

It’s more helpful in the long run to think along the lines of “…this behavior won’t lead to the result I want, or meet my needs over time”, than it is to think “I’m a bad person if I do this.” Those two modes of thinking are important distinctions.

So, what would the best Burger King franchise ever look like? How would you manage it so everyone came t work every day, looking forward to doing what they do best, working together as a team to achieve your stated goals, everybody getting most of their needs met…(a little compromise is almost always necessary). If we’re all willing to bring consciousness to the table, and with intentionality (I love that word) resolve to be the best life manager (of ourself) we can be, there is nothing that can stop us from living an amazing, rewarding, effective life. Ready. Set. Do it!