Life Rewards Action

This is a continuation from Dr. Phil's Life Laws material...

“Well done is better than well said.” Ben Franklin

Life rewards action. At some point we learn that the world couldn't care less about thoughts without actions. Talk is cheap. Really cheap. The IRS doesn’t care if you meant to pay taxes. Your child doesn’t care if you meant to fix dinner. Your friend in prison doesn’t care if you meant to write. It’s not your intentions that matter, it’s your actions.

Twenty odd years ago I was a student at a Catholic Seminary…because I’ve always been a fairly gregarious, outgoing type, I was the student “hospitality” director, responsible for guests who would come to the seminary to check out whether or not they wanted to explore the possibility of being a catholic priest. I wasn’t sure I wanted to be a priest, so I always thought that I was a funny choice (on the part of the seminary management) for this particular role, but after a while I figured out that what really mattered was that I had a “try it” attitude. And a “try it” attitude counts for a lot.

What made the difference was that I could explain the difference between being a priest (after six years of school) and exploring the possibility of being a priest, which was really the stage most people were at when they were looking around for seminary options. There is a huge difference between dating someone and getting married. But we often don’t see it that way…

What this means is that a lot of people think about trying something, whether it’s going to graduate school, getting a new job, of getting into a new relationship. They don’t because they’re not sure. Who is “sure”? How would you know if you like something unless you try it? Have you had the experience of changing your mind about something later and found it impossible? Difficult, possibly, but impossible, not likely.

Life rewards action. That means if you have an idea, or a dream, or even an inkling that something might be fun for you, or helpful, or adventuresome – the only benefit is going to come from giving it a try. You can’t win if you don’t play. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t use common sense in trying things – but as long as the potential positives outweigh the potential negatives – give it a try.

Many of us live paralyzed by fear; fear of failure, or of not doing well. Fear of criticism from our friends or family. We live in fear of engaging with the world. Fear of being laughed at. I think the reasons for this are complicated, and come in part from our fragile self-esteem that in so many cases is completely dependent on the approval of others. Of course we know this is no way to live, and we intend to be stronger – but somehow our comfortable ruts seem more attractive than the future we envision and dream about for ourselves.

Things will begin to shift when we start by measuring the quality of our life based on actions, rather than intentions. Let me say it again – it doesn’t matter what you intend to do, it only matters what you do.

True confession time; I’m a compulsive list person. I work each day off of a detailed “to do” list. Today’s list has 24 items. I’ve found it helpful to keep a list of things which I have pre-prioritized and grouped by categories. Sometimes I get through a lot of my list, other days not so much. I’m not so compulsive that I lose sleep if I didn’t get a lot done. There’s always tomorrow – but in the back of my mind I know that the list keeps me focused, and if there’s some point where I wonder what would be best to do next, my list is right there to remind me. That doesn’t mean I can’t change my list, re-prioritize based on what feels right from moment to moment – but it provides a general guideline for my day – and at the end, I feel a pretty decent sense of accomplishment that some things that are important to me have been “finished”.

People ask how on earth I manage to accomplish all the stuff I do – and the answer is easy – “I organize.” Along with that daily kind of micro stuff, on a bigger picture there’s very little I won’t try – especially if it sounds fun or worthwhile to me. The trick is to schedule time to try new things...(and yes, I know this model doesn't work for everyone)

It wasn’t always this way – I was bad at sports and developed a mindset that if I didn’t excel at something, I wouldn’t try it. I certainly didn’t want people to laugh at me, or to criticize me because I wasn’t good at something. I’m not totally sure of how I got over that – but I think some of it can be attributed to my shift away from being so competitive. I reached the point where I knew that a lot of my friends were athletic, and would always be better at athletics than I was – and I could really celebrate their skills and abilities, without an internal dialog criticizing myself for not being them. I have my own gifts. I play the piano – at a level many of my friends can only dream about. They don’t lose sleep over my ability to play music, and I don’t lose sleep over their ability to play basketball or tennis. Instead, we celebrate each other. That has made us closer. And, it has given me the confidence to try new stuff without worrying that I won’t be the best at it – or worrying that if I don’t like it, I’m somehow stuck. It’s liberating…

If you start measuring your life by results, that means that you no longer take excuses from other people, either. If you decide that you will require better treatment from those with whom you are in relationship, then you measure the relationship by their actions, not their words. You can not spend the rest of your life letting somebody else tell you how to feel, or telling you that you just see things wrong.

The traditional formula for taking purposeful action goes like this:

Be – Do – Have.

What that means is to BE committed, DO what it takes and HAVE what you want. Sound simple? It is. The difference between winners and losers is that winners do things losers don’t want to do. Without a willingness to take action you’re just a passenger in life, along for the ride. Does that feel OK to you? I know this works for a lot of people because it imposes no pressure to decide or stand accountable for your life’s results. That doesn’t work for me. And I frankly hope that it doesn’t work for you either – at least any more.

To start this conversation with yourself (the only person it really matters that you have this conversation with) you can ask yourself “Am I really worth it?” My best possible answer would be “Yes I am.” I’d also be happy with “I’m not sure, but I guess I’ll find out because I’m going to do it anyway.”

Talk is cheap. It's what you do that determines the script of your life. Translate your insights, understandings and awareness into purposeful, meaningful, constructive actions. They are of no value until then. Measure yourself and others based on results — not intentions or words.

Use any pain you have to propel you out of the situation you are in and to get you where you want to be. The same pain that burdens you now could be turned to your advantage. It may be the very motivation you need to change your life.

Decide that you are worth the risk of taking action, and that your dreams are not to be sold out. Know that putting yourself at risk may be scary, but it will be worth it. You must leave behind the comfortable and familiar if you are to move onward and upward.

Just do it. [Nike Slogan]